Please Forgive Me
by Christianna Kapli
Summary: I think you are familiar with this odd feeling. When you just go on, acting as if nothing has happened, doing your routine and knowing that it's all useless. You are already dead. You don't need it anymore.


Please forgive me

I think you are familiar with this odd feeling. When you just go on, acting as if nothing has happened, doing your routine and knowing that it's all useless. You are already dead. You don't need it anymore.

Moira told the truth: time is no longer so precious as it was. I don't know exactly how much of it have passed. Year? Two? Three? Five? In one moment, I just gave up counting.

This house has been sold three times. Twice we were successful in driving out people from it. At first it was funny, but now it is necessary. People should not suffer our fate. No one alive should live in these cursed walls.

Sometimes I am surprised how many of us are here and how we are all living together under one roof. It seems to me that everyone has his own little world here. Can it be Hell? Or Heaven? I don't know. Father suggested that I should read the Bible. But I haven't found answers for my question there. And I still wonder is there any chance we will be free from the Murder House?

You come to me every night when I'm lying in the bed and pretending to be asleep. You do not speak. You just sit on the edge of the bed, stroking my hair silently; sometimes you clench my fingers or touch my cheek with your lips. I do not move, desperately trying to keep my promise.

If only I knew that it's so hard to say "goodbye" ... Though my real heart has stopped a long time ago, it is still painful to see you. The dead can feel more intense sometimes than living person. That's funny, isn't it?

Maybe if I had stayed alive, I would have left this house and entered the university. Or I would have met someone else and married him. Maybe I would have had another happy life. Who knows?

Every Samhain I visit this place on the seashore you showed me years ago. Do you remember it? Looking at the sea, I always started to think about its eternity. Something in this world is infinite as I am now. It's quite a relaxing thought, by the way.

Just imagine how nice it would be to step into the cold sea and walk towards until the waters close above my head. If only the sea can liberate me from everything: death, house, curse and you.

You always follow me, Tate, like my shadow. Last time you stood motionless in the darkness and kept a close watch on me. I felt it. I wish I could read your thoughts. I wish I could see how the world looks through your eyes and understand what evil took roots in your soul… If only I could help you to get rid of it.

But we both know there are no such things as miracles.

Monsters do not change.

I heard the creak of the door opening. You entered quietly as you usually do. I always recognize your soft steps. You took a seat on the edge of my bed carefully, as if you were afraid to disturb me. I turned my head slowly and saw you biting your lip. You always do that when you're nervous. I could see how moonlight silvered you golden hair. I used to run my hand through them and I was dying to do that again…

You sit still, clenching your fists. Few long minutes have passed, and then … you lay down next to me on the bed. I could feel your desire to rich out and touch me, but your hand froze hesitatingly in the air. You groaned quietly and drew back.

You see my father twice in the week. Death smoothed out many things. He has not forgiven you, but he learnt to be patient with you. He forced himself to listen to you, to speak with you, to advise you because he saw you desire to change yourself.

I know why you're doing that.

But it's not enough to put up with what you've done.

It's not enough to forgive you.

In one moment, I realized that tears were rolling down my face. I wiped them quickly away. But you had noticed them.

"Do you want me to leave?" – you asked. - "Just tell me… And you will never see me again. I will leave you forever, Violet. There are enough places in this house. Just tell me, and I'll do it. I will go away. I'll hide. And we shall never met each other anymore… Just tell me".

I could feel my heart sank from you desperate whisper.

My God, I'm so tired…

I'm bloody tired from trying to hate you, to despise you or to forget you. You're living with the monster inside you. And I need to accept both of you or to forget you…

"I have changed, Violet. I've done it for you… I will never hurt anyone. I swear to you. I'm begging you for a little chance. Just give me the hope that someday we will together. Or I can't handle it… You are the only thing that stops me from …" – he became silent for a moment. – " This… Just tell me what do you want me to do … to stay or to leave. Please."

I groped for his hand and clutched his cold fingers.

"Stay with me, Tate" – my voice was so quiet, it even sounded different. -"Don't go".

I heard you sighing with relief. You hugged me. I felt your lips on my neck, cheeks, on my lips …

"I promise you, Violet, I will never hurt anyone. Never. I swear to you I will keep my promise".

If you only knew, how strongly I wanted to believe in your words…

However, there is a beast inside you.

I would give anything away only to know how to help you, Tate, how to get rid of this darkness inside you...

But I know there are no such things as miracles. Not in this life, not in this house, not with us…

We both know that, don't we?


End file.
